Titanic : MWPP Style
by Tracibelle
Summary: No romance at all... the Marauders put on THEIR version of


A/N: This is pretty funny in my opinion, and it has absoulutley no romance in it all. Well, maybe a little bit, so... but it's still funny! This is in the form of a script, because I'm too lazy to make it proper.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters being the people belong to her *points to Miss Rowling* and Titanic belongs to someone that isn't me or J. K. Rowling.  
  
bTitanic: MWPP Style/b  
  
  
  
Here's the cast!  
  
~James Potter as Leonardo DiCaprio as "Jack"  
  
~Lily Evans as Kate Wilsnet as "Rose"  
  
~Severus Snape as "Cal"  
  
~Future James Potter as "Lovejoy"  
  
~McGonnagal as "Ruth"  
  
~Lucius Malfoy as "Mr. Andrews"  
  
~Severus Snape as "The Captain"  
  
~Peter Pettigrew as "Lookout"  
  
~Sirius Black as "James Cameron"  
  
  
  
James Cameron: Hello, I am James Cameron.  
  
Someone off camera: No you're not!  
  
James Cameron: *clears throat* Hello, I'm James Cameron. Actually, I'm Sirius Black pretending to be James Cameron. Today, we present to you our version of the multi-million dollar film, Titanic...MWPP style! Our story begins with Rose, her mother and fiancee ready to board the ship of dreams."   
  
Rose: Hmph! It doesn't look any bigger than the Mauritania!  
  
Cal: Oh Ruth, your daughter is so difficult to impress!  
  
*The ship sets sail*  
  
Jack: *runs up to the ship huffing and puffing* Hey ship, wait for meeee!!!"   
  
People on the ship: Goodbye! Bye!  
  
Jack: It sure is cool that I won that ticket to board Titanic from that lucky handed game of poker!  
  
James Cameron (narrating): After a little while, Rose realizes that she is very dissatisfied with her life, seeing as how she is being forced to marry Cal, and is ready to jump off the stern to end her suffering."   
  
Rose: GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD!!! It's all over for me!! Yep...sure is...all over... Umm..   
  
Jack: Heh, nice dress, Lily!  
  
Rose: Shut up, James!  
  
Jack: Ok, ok. Hey, pretty lady, don't jump!  
  
Rose: No! Don't come any closer! I'll jump!  
  
Jack: Aw, you don't wanna do that. Besides, I don't wanna have to jump in and save you. I'd get all wet and ruin my beautiful hair!  
  
Rose: Well, ok. If you insist! ...Oh no! I'm slipping!!!!  
  
Jack: Dammit! I knew I shouldn't have worn those slippery rubber gloves! Don't worry, I got ya!  
  
Rose: Wow! Thanks! You saved me twice! By the way, my name is Rose.  
  
Jack: My name's Jack, a struggling artist who likes to draw nekkid French women!  
  
Rose: How would you like to come to dinner with me?  
  
Jack: Umm...sure. But keep in mind, I have no manners. *burps loudly*  
  
James Cameron: So Jack got a lesson on how to be a gentleman and went to dinner with Rose and her family and had a spiffy time. Then, they went down to the steerage party room and had a rip roarin' good time. But Cal sent his man-servant, Lovejoy, down to spy on the two new friends.  
  
Cal: Jamesjoy! I mean, Lovejoy! What's the deal with my fiancee and that no good boy?!   
  
Lovejoy: Duhhh...they had some fun! Wish I was there....   
  
Cal: Grrrr...you idiot! Go back and when you find them, catch them and bring them to me!  
  
James Cameron (narrating): Meanwhile, back in Ruth and Rose's room....  
  
Ruth: You're not to see that boy again, Rose.  
  
Rose: Oh stop it, mother. You'll give yourself a nosebleed.  
  
Ruth: I'll give YOU a nosebleed if you don't listen to me!  
  
Rose: Y..y..yes, mother!  
  
James Cameron (narrating): Later that day, Rose, Cal and Ruth and getting a tour from Mr. Andrews.  
  
Rose: Mr. Andrews, isn't it true that if this ship does go down, half of the people will die a horrible death in some way shape or form?  
  
Mr. Andrews: Nothing gets past you, Rose! Yes, it's true, but we can hold a lot of people on the life boats!  
  
Cal: But....there's no way that this ship can go down!  
  
Mr. Andrews: She's made of foil, I assure you, she can.  
  
James Cameron (narrating): Suddenly, Jack appears so he may have a word with the fair Rose.  
  
Rose: Eep! Jack, you scared me!  
  
Jack: Rose! I have realized, that in this short time we known each other, I began to love you!  
  
Rose: Oh Jack! I love you too!!   
  
Jack: Ok, Rose, close your eyes...  
  
Rose: Oh Jack! I feel like..I'm flying!!!!  
  
Jack: Rose...  
  
Rose: Jack!  
  
Jack: Umm..do we have to go there???  
  
Rose: No, we don't! End of scene!!!  
  
***************************************  
  
Rose: Ok, Jack , this is my room. I would like for you to draw me like one of your french girls wearing this hideous necklace that my fiancee, Cal, gave me. Wearing ONLY this!  
  
Jack: Oh-nooo! I mean, OK.  
  
Jack: Alrighty, just sit your self down on the bed...er....couch over there, please.  
  
Rose: Oh, ok! What's with that serious look?  
  
Jack: I think I am going to be sick....... *pukes*  
  
James Cameron (narrating): Soon, the portrait was found by Lovejoy and showed it to Cal.  
  
Lovejoy: Look, boss! A nakie picture of your fiancee!  
  
Cal: D'OH!!!! Find that brat and find a way to dispose of him!  
  
Lovejoy: That means I gotta think, doesn't it?  
  
Cal: Yes. I hope the job won't be too hard for you...  
  
Lovejoy: Ah-ha! There you are!!  
  
Rose: Eeeek! Let's run!  
  
Jack: Who IS that hot fella?  
  
Rose: Look over there, Jack! Cars! We can hide in there!  
  
Jack: What are cars doing on a boat?  
  
James Cameron (narrating): It didn't take long for the two to start making passionate love in the car. But this is rated PG-13, so we'll just skip over that scene.  
  
Jack: Oh Rose! I love you ever so very much!  
  
Rose: I love you too, Jackie-poo!  
  
Lookout: Awww...look at the happy couple! Huh...what's that over there?  
  
Lookout: OHMIGOD!!!! ICEBERG, RIGHT AHEAD!!!!  
  
*Iceberg hits side of the ship and a piece lands inside of the ship*  
  
Rose: Wow, that's a big ass ice cube!  
  
Jack: Hmmm...this could be bad.  
  
James Cameron (Narrating): Because this is a No-Budget film, we'll gloss over the big special effects of the movie and give you a description of what happened. Jack was accused of stealing Rose's necklace, and was then arrested. The ship began to sink, but Rose went to go find Jack and rescued him. Now, the life boats are being quickly filled.  
  
Jack: Here, Rose! Get in this budget life boat! I'll catch up with you!  
  
Rose: Jack! Don't leave me!  
  
Cal: Damn! I wanted that life boat!!!  
  
  
  
*Insert special effects here. Just imagine it, ok! People finally wave around their wands but nothing works to keep the foil ship afloat. Boat sinks and many people die horrible deaths*  
  
James Cameron (narrating): After the Titanic sinks completely, Jack and Rose are left floating on a shard of the ship in the middle of the freezing Atlantic Ocean.  
  
Rose: J-Jack! It's so cold!  
  
Jack: Yeah, I know what ya mean! I think it's causing some shrinkage...  
  
Rose: Excuse me?  
  
Jack: Uhh...nevermind. Rose...promise me that after this, you'll survive!!  
  
Rose: Sure, no problem. Jack? Hey, Jack?! Oh no! He's dead!!  
  
*Rose pushes his dead body into the ocean*  
  
Rose: I'll never let go, Jack...I'll never let go.... *sniff sniff*  
  
James Cameon (Narrating): Rose was found in the water by another life boat and was taken to New York where she began a new life and started a family. All was well with the world after that! The end!  
  
Lily: Hello, 'James Cameron'...  
  
James: Marvelous casting job!!  
  
Lily: Wait 'till I get my hands on you for making me wear this frilly dress!  
  
Sirius: Eeeep! Oh no!  
  
Future James: Not so fast, funny man! Where do you get off making me the bad guy!?  
  
Sirius: Uhmmm...well, I uh....nuthin' personal! You're still da bomb!  
  
Future James Potter: This one prank for once ISN'T going to be funny!  
  
*Pushes Sirius into the "ocean" along with James and Lily^  
  
Sirius: Oh.....the humanity...  
  
A/N: People either love this, or they hate this. Leave reviews, I'll love you! 3 


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